FIFA has opted to discontinue the World Cup, following the unprecedented and unbeatable excitement thrown up by Russia 2018.
Over the past two weeks, fully-grown men have been brought to tears by last-minute free-kicks, God-tier half-volleys, nerve-wracking penalty shootouts and a plethora of giant killings.
There has been no sign of those pesky Russian Ultras, either – something for which Vladimir Putin must take great credit (even if he did have to take make decisions that weren’t always…ethical).
And let’s not start on that brilliant bastard VAR: the most infuriating yet entertaining bit of kit since Hasbro’s Bop It Extreme 2.
Shedding light on the decision to scrap future World Cups, a FIFA spokesman said: “Well, it can’t get better than this, can it?
“We were tempted to call it a day as soon as that sweet first tear rolled down Sergio Ramos’ face, but the rest of this beautiful tournament will go ahead as planned.
“For those who, come mid-July, cannot face the reality of life without Russia 2018, we are working on a number of global support groups.
“Alternatively, we suggest buying the official VR experience and simply wasting away in the warm glow of international soccer.”