Men everywhere have sacked off Fantasy Premier League after things went to shit in gameweek one.
28-year-old IT consultant Hugh Deeney spent weeks analysing spreadsheets and reading Fantasy Football Scout before compiling his dream squad ‘In It to Win It’.
However, after amassing a pathetic 24 points in the first round of fixtures, he has already decided to call it a day.
Speaking on his frustration, he said: “I knew it wasn’t my year when De Bruyne was left on the bench against Arsenal – I’m sure Pep wanted to spite me.
“And people talk about Harry Kane’s August hoodoo, but the guy’s a World Cup Golden Boot winner. He was sure to bag, so I made him skipper – a masterstroke. But he just got booked instead.
“It’s all a load of bollocks at the end of the day – a game of luck for people with too much time on their hands. I didn’t care about winning the stupid work league – honestly.”