A fat office worker
World Cup

Bloke who can’t touch his toes slams Raheem Sterling’s World Cup performance

A 45-year-old man who doesn’t possess the flexibility required to touch his toes has torn into Raheem Sterling’s World Cup performance.

Dave Best, an IT specialist from Swindon, spent Thursday criticising the athlete to his colleagues – despite breaking a sweat from merely sitting down.

Cornering Barbara from accounts in the kitchen, he said: “That Raheem Sterling just didn’t look fit to me. Either that or he’s lazy.

“He’s alright when he’s got the likes of Kevin De Bruyne and David Silva behind him – but I’d look good with those boys as well.

“He was crap all tournament. Why the hell did Southgate stick with him? He’s been dreadful for England – couldn’t score in a brothel.”

Barbara said: “who’s Ray Starling?”